Next step: we stop calling it “pseudo-rape”
Regarding the rape monologue at the Assscat show a few weeks ago, here are two good posts: one by Halle Kiefer who was in the audience, and one by Irin Carmon which wraps up the story pretty well.
So — and for obvious reasons I have some feelings about all of this — I think that maybe people should think about the way that we’re discussing this. It’s not about one dude who told a bad story. And one dude who just doesn’t get it. It’s about a fundamental disconnect men have about how pervasive rape is in our culture. And how so many people think that something that happens to at least half of American women is worthy of a joke.
I went on a date with a guy on Monday where we accidentally started talking about DSK and his push for dismissal. Throughout the conversation my date kept saying “rape” with air quotes. I tried to get away from a confrontation, as this was a first date and I really try to not bring up rape culture with strangers (aside from strangers on the Internet, obvs), but I just couldn’t avoid it any longer. He kept saying that the woman has a “sordid past” which didn’t make her believable. And he kept talking about how when a woman accuses a man of “rape” it can ruin his entire life and career.
My “date” (I can do air quotes too!) wasn’t a bad guy. In fact, I think he was a pretty normal guy. A guy who has an average view on the way things are. And his ignorance and comments are a clear example that people see rape and rape culture as the butt of a joke. Not for what it really is — a national epidemic.
I got into a huge argument about this issue with my boyfriend the other day. I read and talk so much about rape culture, as Joy does, with people on the internet, that I was shocked to find out that he doesn’t believe most rape accusations against celebrities or people in positions of power are true. He thinks the accusers are just trying to get money or fame from making these claims because so many of the cases are settled out of court. And yes, sometimes that’s true. But the fact that he brought up (as Joy’s date did) the woman’s “sordid background” in the DSK case pissed me off. I flipped out at him. I’m not even going to get into some of his reasoning because it was flat-out wrong, misinformed, and he was drunk at the time. However, there was one point he made that stuck with me.
Now, my boyfriend is a teacher and, as a male teacher, he is very cautious about his interactions with his students because all it would take is one accusation to ruin his entire teaching career and reputation. It wouldn’t even matter if the accusation was true or not — his entire career would be completely ruined. I personally had a teacher in high school whose husband hung himself in their garage after he was falsely accused of sexually assaulting a female student who later admitted that she made up the accusation because she wasn’t doing well in his class.
Before I go on, let me state clearly: I’m not writing this to defend genuine rapists. I’m not writing this to blame victims or say we shouldn’t trust victims of rape or sexual assault at their word. I think it’s very important that we do and that we offer them as much security and protection as we possibly can through the legal system and that their rapists are punished to the full extent of the law for rape and not for “misconduct” or some other bullshit like that.
That being said, just as those of us who fight to change rape culture believe that women shouldn’t have to live in fear of being raped, men shouldn’t have to live in fear of having false rape accusations leveled against them. The keyword there is false. I’m talking specifically about women who pretend to be victims by fabricating rape accusations to get money, fame, power, or revenge.
Because of these women who use rape accusations as leverage, the weight of rape accusations in the courtroom has been trivialized. Genuine rape victims, who have already been violated physically and who should be commended for standing up to face their attackers in court, are forced to let teams of lawyers violate their entire life stories in the name of justice. It is easy to blame powerful men with teams of expensive lawyers for the scrutiny under which these victims are placed, but it’s just as important for these women who use false accusations to take advantage of powerful men to remember that they aren’t just hurting the reputations of men they accuse, they’re hurting the reputations of genuine rape victims too.
Oh heyyy Rebecca, way to be smart/awesome.
